Crazy Cop

     Here's a slightly exaggerated story/news paper article Maya and I wrote after having gotten in trouble for walking around during school hours. 

Crazy Cop Arrests Suspect Teens

"All I wanted was a walk," Adair Anderson later passionately declares. "I was just improving my cardiovascular health," Maya sobs. 

     Early on the afternoon of May 16, 2012, two young girls were walking briskly in the shade of the reputable San Antonio neighborhood of Windcrest. Suddenly, disaster strikes. A delusional cop came blaring through quiet streets, sirens wailing, terrifying the two young girls out of their wits.

     Adair Anderson later reports, "I can't even feel safe around my own neighborhood anymore!"

     "Why aren't y'all in school?" the cop demanded roughly, a cigar hanging from his unshaven mouth. Maya recalls stepping forward nervously, glancing at her friend for support. "We - we're homeschooled," she said. He looked at her in disbelief, one caterpillar-like eyebrow raised over his piggy eyes, pausing to spit a large blog of tobacco stained saliva at the girls' feet. "That's right sir," she said. Aiming his shotgun at their heads, her replies, "Well, young ladies, there's a city ordinance that requires all children 5 - 16 be IN SCHOOL during SCHOOL HOURS!! And y'all doing look 16 to me har har har." The girls look at each other. "The state of Texas allows homeschoolers to - "Y'ALL SHUT UP NOW!" he says maniacally, an evil glint in his eye. "I don't wanna have tah use this baby," he says, patting his shot gun. "Don't look good on the police report. Now, I don't usually take people's word fer things, and y'all don't seem like homeschoolers to me." Maya replies quickly, "Sir, I'm wearing Birkenstocks and my hair is fuzzy. What more proof do you need?" He squints at them, then suddenly, in an outburst of anger, cries "YOU BACK-TALKING ME!? Y'ALL DON'T DO THAT, YA HEAR? GET ON IN!" He swings the door open and lurches over to them. After handcuffing them, he shoves them violently into the smoky interioiur of the car. Cigarette butts litter the floor and beer cans are strewn about. Suddenly Adair bursts out, "I want to see your badge, sir!" "DON'T MAKE ME GAG Y'ALL TOO!" he bellows, turning around to glare at them with his tiny piggy eyes under his rat-like eyebrows.
     He slowly settles into the seat, rolls of fat billowing around him. Then he puts his feet on the pedals, flips a switc, and the sirens wail as he peels off to 630 Golfcrest. He obeys the speed limit of 20 miles an hour, until he sees a squirrel on the road and speeds ahead to crush it into the asphalt.
     Finally, after a heart-wrenching ten minutes, the girls arrive at their house. The door swings open and they are both shoved face-first from onto the lawn by the hideous officer of the law.

Here is a quick clip from their interview:

"I will never feel safe again," - Adair

"Birkenstocks!! I was wearing Birkenstocks!!" - Maya 

To this day, the girls are both in intensive therapy.


~Adair