The Youthful Vernacular

Are you feeling increasingly distant from a young person in your life? Do you feel baffled when you hear your teen talking to his or her friends? Do their intercepted e-mails make as much sense as gobbledegook? Do your conversations go something like this:

You: "Hello dear."

Teen: "Ugh Mom!" 

Worry no more - today I bring to you the product of a generation, a dictionary of handy teen-2-grown-up* communication, with handy conversation examples!
*psst, Handy Hint! Teens usually swap the numeral "2" for the words "to," "too," and "two"!

a$$
This is an interesting example, because teens have swapped the symbol "$" for the consonant "s." However, this word still means "posterior (informal, rude)."

brb
This acronym means "be right back," and can be used either as an exclamation (example 1) or an apology (example 2).
Example 1: Teen: "Oh, you have to leave? Well BRB!"
Example 2: Teen: "I have to do my chores, but I'll BRB!" 

bro
Originally deriving from the word "brother," this word conveys a sense of kinship and camaraderie in a conversation.  

lol
This word is often mistaken, but it does not in fact mean "Lots Of Love" - in fact, teenagers use it to mean "Laughing Out Loud."
Teen 1: "Did you see that funny picture? LOL!"
Teen 2: "Haha LOL!"

lmao
A variation of "lol," this word means "Laughing My A** Off." Pronounced "le mau," teens often use it to sound sophisticated. If you're concerned by the vulgarity of this phrase, guide your teen towards substitutes like lmbo, "Laughing My Butt Off."

man
This is no longer simply applicable to the male gender; young people of today have taken to calling both boys and girls "man." See also: dude and bro

no0b
No, that's not a typo - teens really DO use a zero (0) instead of an o (o)! Often used by video "gamers," this word is somewhat like "newbie." It is a put-down.
Teen 1: "How do I use this game controller?"
Teen 2: "Haha no0b! You R a no0b!"

om*g
Similarly to "omg," this abbreviation stands for "oh my ******* God." It is highly disrespectful and inappropriate, and the parent should ban it at all costs, as Candice Kelsey can attest. According to THIS ARTICLE ("hyperlinked" here for your convenience), "[Kelsey], a high school teacher in Los Angeles, said one of her ninth grade boys blurted out 'OMFG' in class after reading an essay assignment on the chalkboard. When Kelsey asked for his apology, the teen argued that he didn't say a bad word, but rather just four random letters. 'I offered to send him to the HOS (head of school), another random string of letters,' Kelsey said, but 'eventually he apologized.'" Good job Kelsey!

pr0n
WARNING: if your teen is typing this word, seek help immediately. This word is a deliberate misspelling of "p*rnography," and if your young adult is searching or conversing about this, it is time to have a serious conversation.
Teen (texting to friend): "My mom doesn't know I watch pr0n!"
Mom: "Dear, we should have a talk."
Teen: "I'm sorry, Mom."

ship
Why is your teenager discussing nautical activity? you may wonder. Of course, they're not really talking about boats! "Ship" is a shortened version of "relationship," and can be used when a teenager believes someone would be a good couple.
Teacher: Class, today we will be discussing Pride and Prejudice.
Teen: OMG Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth are lyk SO CUTE!! I ship it! 

sup
A conjunction combining "what," "is," and "up," this word is often used as a both a greeting and a question.
Teen 1: "Hello! Sup?"
Teen 2: "Not much! LOL!"
For some adolescents, the entire conversation can consist of "sup"!
Teen: "Sup."

selfie
This word is a recent acquisition to the teen vocabulary, meaning a picture one takes of oneself. This is especially popular among teenage girls, who post pictures of themselves at Starbucks, while waiting for classes, and other typically teenage activities.
Mom: "Dear, can you help me with the groceries?"
Teen: "I can't, Mom, I'm making a selfie!"

totes
No, your teenager isn't talking about a hip type of tote bag - this word means "totally"!
Teen 1: Do you want to go the mall tonight?
Teen 2: LOL! Totes! 

wt*
This abbreviation stands for "what the ****", and is often used to convey amazement or surprise. Rather than this foul language, however, guide your teenager toward the alternatives WTP ("what the poop") or WTH ("what the heck").

:-)
This is not a random grouping of symbols - it's a smiling face! If you don't see it immediately, tilt your head to the left. The colon symbolizes the eyes, the dash represents a nose, and the parenthesis looks like a smile. Your teen may employ endless variations of this common addition to text messages, including:
:-( sad face
:-D very happy face
;-) winking face
HELPFUL HINT: beware the context of this face! In some scenarios, this can constitute "teenage flirting." Example:
Teen 1: How R U?
Teen 2: Good ;-)

#
No, this isn't a pound symbol or a symbol meaning "number"! It is a "hash-tag," often used on social media sites like Myspace, Facebook, and AOL Messenger.
Teen 1 (posting on his or her social media web-site): I love my Mom! #family

<3
This symbol signifies a heart. To better understand this representation, imagine this symbol: < as the bottom of the heart, and the "3" as the top. Teens may add 3's to show their intense feelings. This is a helpful indicator of a teen romance to come - so if you see your teen using this symbol, it's time to discuss dating rules!
Teen 1 (boy): C U 2morrow!
Teen 2 (girl): OK! Miss U! <33333333

Are you still unsure whether you fully "get" (to use teen lingo) this unorthodox method of communication? Well, here's a final test! Below is a text message, which you can practice your newfound skills on by decoding! Never fear - a translation will be provided.

Hey bro! Sup. Lol im lyk wtf did U say 2 my mom bc she's lyk, R U WATCHIN pr0n?? No! I'm not down with that. it's lyke a bad selfie. it sux. omfg man lmao tho. im gonna be l8 4 skool but i'll BRB ok? tell the principal 4 me bc i'm not a no0b and i dont wanna B kicked in the a$$! i got 2 go but ttyl. :-)

Translation: Hello! How are you? I laughed because I want to know what you told my mother. She asked me, "are you watching pornography?" But I'm not. I don't like things like that. It's akin to taking a bad photo of yourself. It's not good. Oh my goodness though I am laughing very hard. I will be late for school but I'll be there soon, understand? Please tell the principal for me, because I'm not inexperienced with this and I don't want to be blamed for it. I have to leave, but I look forward to talking with you soon. (smile).

We here at the Parental Education and New Information Society hope this information has been helpful. We will "C U L8er"!

-Maya