The other day I realized that I know no jokes. So I've decided to fix that. Please feel free to commit some of these to memory so that the next time you encounter an awkward lapse in conversation, you're prepared. However, if we ever meet, you'll know the punchline to everything I say.
1. What's brown and sticky?
A stick
2. I told my friend that she drew her eyebrows on too high.
She looked surprised.
3. What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta
4. What do you call a 5 foot physic that escaped from jail.
A small medium at large
5. How did the Hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
6. What did the shy pebble wish?
That she was just a little bolder.
7. What do you call a pencil without lead?
Pointless.
8. Did you hear they found Mozart's grave? Guess what he was doing?
decomposing
9. Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows?
They're making headlines!
10. Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
Because the pee is silent.
11. Why can a nose never be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
12. Do you know why calendars won't be around much longer?
They're days are numbered.
13. Today I changed a light-bulb, and then I crossed the road, and then I walked into a bar and realized:
That my entire life is a JOKE.
14. What did the evil chicken lay?
A deviled egg
15. What happens when you put explosives in a french bathroom?
Linoleum blown-apart.
16. What's the difference between a coyote and a flea?
One howls on the prairie, and one prowls on the hairy.
17. Why do seagulls live by the sea?
Because if they lived by the bay they'd be bagels
18. What's brown and sounds like a bell?
DUUUNNGGGGGG.
19. What do you call a monkey in a minefield?
A baBOOM
20. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
hahaha
21. A priest, a blonde and a horse walk into a bar and the bartender says
"What is this, some kind of joke?"
There ya' go! 21 awesome jokes. I hope I made you laugh.
~Adair
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